Things I wish I knew before going on exchange
Hi everyone! I’ve been in Scotland for almost three months now. Time really does fly! As I’ve settled into more of a routine here in Edinburgh I’ve been reflecting on some of the different aspects, big and small, positive and not-so-positive, of exchange that I wish I had known before coming to Edinburgh. I’m going to get the not-so-good out of the way first and end this blog post with all the wonderful things I didn’t anticipate! Keep in mind that these are just my experiences and you may have totally different experiences on exchange!
The not-so-great…
1. You’re probably going to have more start-up costs that you anticipate
This was a big one for me! I moved into my flat in my university accommodation and realized it was not very similar to how things worked at Queen’s, and I wasn’t expecting that. The university bedding pack I bought was… subpar… so I had to buy bedding, which was not very cheap. I had to get a small mirror for my room since there was no mirror in the wardrobe like I had expected. I also had to buy my own kitchen supplies like plates, bowls, cups, utensils, pots, etc. This was a bit of a frustrating cost since I’m here for such a short time, but it was unavoidable. There were also little things like toiletries and towels that added up quickly. So when you’re doing your budget for exchange, give yourself some wiggle room in the first month.
2. There will be lulls or ‘in-between’ moments
While exchange can be overwhelming at first, and it feels like you are doing a million things every day, once the dust settles, it can be hard to know what to do with yourself during in-between moments. I’ve found that keeping small promises to myself every day (doing my skincare, reading, and journaling every day) has helped me build a routine that keeps me busy in the ‘in-between’ moments. I also try to go on a walk every day to explore somewhere new in Edinburgh.
3. You’ll feel lonely at times, but you’ll connect with yourself deeply
In the ‘in-between’ moments it’s easy to lean into the feeling of loneliness and to view being alone as a bad thing. I’ve tried to change my mindset and lean into loneliness. I’ve embraced it as an opportunity to reflect on myself, push myself to grow, read therapy books, and take this time to grow into the next best version of myself.
4. It’s going to feel a little like first-year (in good and bad ways)
If you’re living in university accommodation, like me, chances are you’ll be living with first years. You’ll be meeting tons of new people, adding everyone on Snapchat (then not talking to 90% of the people you add), going out tons, all while trying to figure out a new campus and a whole new academic system. It’s been great being able to meet so many new people, especially after the pandemic, but it can feel tiring. I’ve also missed the chill evenings where I would sit in my living room and watch movies with my housemates. Because we’re in university flats here, there isn’t as much spending time in each other’s rooms or hanging out in common spaces together. But nothing beats the feeling of finally finding the people you click with, even if it takes a few weeks.
5. Nothing makes you miss home more than being away
I’ve never considered myself someone who gets very homesick. I went to sleep-away summer camp for a decade and was never very homesick. Even in Kingston, I don’t find myself missing my family too much since I’m so distracted by school, clubs, and work (although I do also live only an hour and a half away from Queen’s). I think the homesickness here is a mix of not having the option to go home if you really wanted to, seeing domestic students go home whenever they want, and having a lot of free time to think about missing home. I don’t think it’s productive to beat yourself up about feeling homesick, or any of the other things I’ve listed, but it’s also important not to let yourself be consumed by it. Let yourself feel your emotions, but don’t try to think through them (you’ll think yourself in circles). Take things day by day and find the beauty in each day.
6. Travel is more expensive than you might think
It’s a pretty common myth in Canada that travel in Europe is dirt cheap and that you’ll be able to jet-set across the continent every weekend. While I have been able to see some incredible places, and while travel certainly is cheaper than in Canada, there are lots of little costs when travelling that add up quickly. I’ve passed on some trips my friends were going on because I’ve chosen to prioritize seeing the places I really want to see, which I need to make sure I have enough for at the end of the semester.
Now, for the good!
7. You’re forced out of your comfort zone… in the best way possible!
I’ve had to push myself out of my comfort zone consistently while on my exchange so that I could make new friends, go out with new people, and even just do little things like explore the city and do groceries! I struggle with being alone, and I’ve spent more time alone on this exchange than I have in years! Spending so much time alone is definitely not in my comfort zone, but by sitting with the discomfort I’ve really grown and am now able to be by myself and enjoy that time. I’m a pretty social person, but exchange has ramped up my ‘outgoing’ and ‘extraverted’ traits by a factor of approximately a million. At the start of my exchange, when I was out of my comfort zone, I felt more like I was ‘faking’ my confidence (not that anyone can tell the difference between real and fake confidence). By consistently ‘faking’ my confidence, and pushing myself, I’ve settled into the real confident version of myself.
8. You’ll stop caring what others think of you
I have internalized the phrase ‘embarrassment is a social construct’ so that I can chat up and make friends with any stranger, invite myself to places, and participate in conversations I know nothing about. Moving halfway across the world to a school where I knew almost nobody has made me realize that life (and this exchange specifically) is too short to not do things because I’m worried about what others may think of me. I’m going to do things that make me happy, I’m going to talk to everybody, and I’m going to have the time of my life without concerning myself with what others may think of me. I’ve stopped taking things personally, what someone else thinks of me is their issue.
9. You’ll meet the best people in the most random ways
Would you believe me if I told you that while on my exchange to Scotland, I got a boyfriend… who is an American… who I met in London? I think this point is a result of the other good things I’ve mentioned… once you stop caring about what others think of you, and you’re able to push yourself, you’ll start meeting tons of really cool people! One of my close friends here is a girl I met on Whatsapp before the semester started when we realized we had a class together! We only started hanging out more when I pushed myself to invite her to hang out, then we eventually just started hanging out more and more and inviting each other to things. I’ve also met someone here who I consider a super close friend beyond exchange, and I wouldn’t have expected that to be the case when I first met her. Even if you only hang out with a new person for a night at the bar or a few days on a random trip, you’ll have made a new friend and learned all about them and their life and their experiences.
10. You’ll have a really unique connection with other exchange students
In one of my classes, we learned about liminality. Liminality is a state of ‘in-betweenness,’ like when you’re in an airport, or the summer after you graduated high school and before you started university. Being on exchange is a liminal state of being. You’re not exactly a student at your host university, but you’re not at your home university. You’ll find yourself with one foot in your life at home, and one foot in your new life on exchange. It’s a temporary state where you’ll find yourself comparing experiences with other exchange students, only to realize that no matter what country they come from, you’re all in this liminal space together. A concept linked to liminality is communitas, the unstructured community that forms between people experiencing liminality together, and that is how I would describe the relationship between exchange students. You all have a pretty implicit understanding of each other’s feelings and experiences, and this gives you a sense of connection and familiarity with other exchange students, even if you’re just meeting them for the first time.
11. You’ll be okay with uncertainty
Because everything on exchange (travel plans and social plans are only the tip of the iceberg) is constantly changing and evolving, you’ll learn to tolerate uncertainty. Learning to tolerate uncertainty is helpful not only during exchange, but also in other parts of life. It has made me less anxious about the uncertainty of my future, the uncertainty of the crazy world, and even uncertainty about personal issues. This goes hand in hand with learning to live outside your comfort zone.
12. You’re going to leave exchange with a million times more than you came with
While you may have to leave some material things behind when you leave, like blankets and dishes, you’ll be leaving with countless new relationships, life skills, experiences, and most importantly, memories!
